There is a buttock clenchingly awkward conversation between Chris Heaton-Harris MP for Daventry and the DEXEU minister responsible for borders, and a reporter for the website Kent Live, all carefully and embarrassingly recorded (HERE). But first a warning. Don't click on the link if you live in Kent and are of a nervous disposition. It does not make happy reading.
We have heard so many charges of scaremongering in the last thirty months it's hard to keep up. In the main these charges had the desired effect. Leavers would look to Brexiteers for reassurance and would get it. Whatever dystopian future was being predicted was airily waved away.
It was rather like being on a bus being driven slightly erratically. A passenger whispers to you that he thinks the driver is a lunatic. You look to the conductor who smiles at you and assures you the driver is perfectly alright. He tells you to relax and how you'll enjoy the destination when you get there. The bus continues but the road gets bumpy and the bus is swaying alarmingly. You look at the driver again and notice he is now wild eyed and naked except for his underpants which are on his head. The conductor's reassurances suddenly don't seem quite as reassuring.
So it is with Heaton-Harris the conductor in our bus analogy. He was right behind Brexit and still thinks it will be good for the UK but now some of his answers are, what shall we say, not quite what the average leave voter in Kent wants to hear - to say the least. If we were going to say the most, we might venture that he doesn't have a clue. Some examples from his interview:
Reporter: So are you saying there won’t be any 13 mile queues on the M20?
CHH: Whatever happens, no deal, deal, French strikes, transit, whatever it is, we will have solid plans to mitigate all those issues.
Reporter: Will you make a personal pledge to the people of Dover and Folkestone that the roads will not grind to a halt when we leave the EU?
CHH: There is so much work going on in government at a local and national level to mitigate against any issues you described. I would like to think in a worst case scenario we can mitigate through all these issues.
Reporter: Do you realistically believe there will be no extra waiting time for the vehicles to go through?
CHH: I would like to think we can find a solution where things do not change much. I’m not a person who gives guarantees for anything, so you won’t get that out of me, but I would like to think we can get to a position where things don’t change much.
Mr Heaton-Harris would "like to think" it will be possible to "mitigate" all those issues. So would we all. But after two years he doesn't want to give any guarantees. In politician speak this means it is a cast iron certainty there will be 13 mile queues and roads will grind to a halt and there will be extra waiting time for vehicles.
But crikey, he's a Brexiteer. Have faith - it will all be forgotten in 50 years time when things get back to normal.
